We’re in a bit of turmoil here.
Turmoil might actually be too strong of a word. Uncertainty is more accurate. Learning every day to rely on God’s grace. Knowing in our hearts that God is our Provider even when our heads tell us that our decisions may not be seem smart to the world and therefore must be wrong.
My husband is leaving his job as a worship pastor. We’ve been on staff with a church plant for over three years, and this coming Sunday — six days away — is his last service. We’re going to try to make it on my salary and his gigs that he plays around town.
Why did we make the decision to leave? Oh, lots of reasons, but the overriding factor was that we felt God was telling us to go. We made the decision and waited nearly a week to take any action to make sure we left time to pray and seek wise counsel.
I know we’re supposed to go. But it’s hard.
We love the people of this church. We live so far away from both of our families, and these people have become a surrogate family to both of us. They have triumphed with us and wept with us, and I know that there is confusion from some of them about us leaving. Heck, we have confusion about us leaving.
When DH announced his resignation to the congregation, he was a wreck. Total sobbing mess, which is not unusual for him as a sensitive guy. I played keys in the band for him that morning, and I was losing it too, which didn’t help him when he turned to look at me. Later on in the set we played “It is Well with My Soul,” chosen specifically for the occasion. DH led the song again this past week at another midweek service he does, and I couldn’t look at him during the song without bursting into tears.
I’m proud of him for making the tough decision. I’m proud of him for being willing to take a step of faith. I’m proud of him for building a strong worship program that will hopefully continue.
This is hard. But even so, it is well with my soul.